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Title: Noise ( or What happens when you suffer alone in silence too long)
Pairing: KoKame
Disclaimer: Owning people is called slavery, common though..historically
Rating: R-ish
Warning: Psycological, violent out bursts, schitzophrenia.
Summary: Kame hears things and will he allow a certain person to save him?
He’s not sure when the noise started or how. What he does know is that at first all he heard was white static and every time it happened he would start looking around whatever room he was in, trying to pin point the source of the sound, that is until he realized it was coming from inside his own head and that frightened him. Eventually, it grew louder, clearer, darker and it kept telling him to do...things..bad things to those he cares for. They would whisper their orders at first and when he refused they would start shouting and berating him but when he became too weak to fight them by himself...he began to give in to their demands and when he realized what he did..he didn’t know what else to say other than he was sorry. Pretty soon the whispers started by those around him..calling him crazy, insane and everyone he tried to turn to for help shoved him away, not because they didn’t want to take the time to understand but because they feared him. Eventually he learned to function despite the toll it took on his already fragile mental state.
“ Isn’t there anyone out there that could save me? That would have the courage to stay with me?” He thought to himself every night when he went to sleep.
As the months passed it got to the point where they started being more specific about who they wanted Kame to go after...first it was Maru, then Ueda, and the Junno. All three he could refuse without risking too much of what’s left of his sanity...until one morning ONE name was said..just one, and it was this person that caused Kame to make the decision that if he had to choose between harming the one person closest to him..that they knew could save him, or what was left of his own sanity...he would rather go insane than hurt Koki. Every time the order was given he refused and every time he was punished. It was safer this way he thought..better to suffer in silence than lose the person that he has always been in love with. As long as Koki and the others never found out he was safe until his behavior started to change when he was around them...
“ Hey, Maru?” Ueda said.
“ Yeah?”
“ What’s up with Kame? He’s just sitting in the corner with his hands over his ears and muttering something I can’t quite catch?” Ueda asked, concerned for his friend.
Walking over Maru tries to get Kazu’s attention and when he touches his shoulder...Kame lashes out and attempts to strangle Yuichi just as Koki walks into their change room.
“ KAME!! STOP!!” Koki, Ueda and Junno yell at the same time, but Kame can’t hear them over all the noise in his head. Hurriedly, Ueda and Koki rush over to rescue Maru..Ueda tried to grab Kame but he was pushed away and the look Kame gave him even made want to run as fast as possible from the room, Junno had already done so, Ueda starts backing up not wanting to be anywhere near his friend.
“ UEDA!!” Koki shouts. “ Help me! I’ll grab Kame while you get Maru!” he says over Kame’s shouting. Ueda nods and switched places with Koki and grabs Maru at the same time Koki grabs hold of Kame and pulls him off. When Koki makes the mistake of letting him go..he lunges for Ueda this time who bolted for the door in fear. Koki rushes to grab a hold of Kame who is still shouting and clawing to get to Maru.
“ What the hell is the matter with him?! He’s crazy!” Maru says backing up towards the door, while Koki tries desperately keep his hold on Kame.
“ I don’t know, but go. Get out of here! I get the feeling he won’t calm down until you do, I’ll watch him.” Koki says, panting.
“ Just leave him, Koki, he’s too dangerous.” Maru tries to reason.
“ I noticed that, thanks. I can’t just leave him and you know that. He’s always trusted me to take care of him and watch over him. I’ll be fine..now get out here!” Koki says, his tone making it clear he’s done discussing this.
Maru finally relents and bolts for the door just as Koki manages to wrestle Kame to the couch, where he straddles Kame and pins his arms above his head. Kame continues to struggle for the next hour and a half until he eventually tires out, noticing that Kame finally passed out from exhaustion...he moves around to sit on the couch with Kame curled up in his lap.
“ What’s the matter with you, Kame, you have been like this for a few months now?” He whispers into Kame’s hair, hugging him even closer. His phone vibrates, it was Ueda wanting to know if it was safe to come back...Koki said yes but to be quiet as Kame was asleep. A few minutes later T-UN walk through the door...
“ So the whispered rumors are true then?” Junno asked keeping his voice low.
“ Yes, apparently so.” Maru said.
“ Man, I can’t believe he went crazy.” Ueda commented causing Koki to glare at him before saying...
“ He’s not crazy, I don’t know what’s wrong with him but I do know that he’s not nuts and that the person we saw wasn’t Kame.” Koki said protectively as he pulled Kame even closer.
“ Come on Koki..you saw the same look in his eyes that I did, he’s not right in the head.” Ueda tried to reason but only succeeding in pissing Koki off even more.
“ UEDA!! How can you say such a thing? You know how he feels about Kame” Junno said.
“ I don’t care..its true though.” he answered back as Koki glares daggers at Ueda.
“ I thought you were his friends?” Koki asks, mainly talking to Junno and Ueda.
“ We are, Koki, we care about him too..” Junno started but was cut off by Maru who went to sit on the arm of the couch by Kame’s feet.
“ Then why did you run away as soon as he attacked me, Junno? You, Ueda, you ran as soon as Koki had a firm grip on him.” Maru countered.
“ You can’t talk Yuichi, you ran just as well.” Ueda said flaring up.
“ Yeah, because I told him to. I wouldn’t have gotten Kame to calm down had he stayed in the room.” Koki said as Kame started to stir...
“ Wha...what happened?” he asked, not so much as wanting to know why he was being cuddled by Koki..but how he got from the corner to where he was at now.
“ You don’t remember?” Junno asked.
Kame shook his head and for whatever reason clutched tighter to Koki, while Ueda made a skeptical noise in his throat.
“ Well, two hours ago you were in the corner, with your hands over ears and muttering to yourself. When I went over to check on you..you attacked me.” Maru said with just a hint of anger. “ That’s when Koki walked in and between him and Ueda, they managed to separate you from me.” He finishes, sitting down in a chair next to the couch.
“ When they left, I managed to wrestle you to the couch and had to hold you there for the better part of an hour until you finally tired yourself out.” Koki finished as Kame’s memory catches up with him and he starts fighting to get as far away from Koki as possible, but the older man refused to let go. Realizing it was useless he just nestled into further into Koki’s embrace, only turning his head to speak.
“ I...I’m sorry guys. I didn’t mean any of it, Maru, you know I would never..” he says as tears start forming in the corners of his eyes.
“ Actually, I don’t know Kame. You’re behavior has changed, everyone has either seen it or has experienced it. Even though we’re friends..I can’t trust you, I am sorry but I just can’t.” He gets up and leaves.
“ Ju..Junno? Ueda? I...” Kame tries to apologize but like Maru they won’t hear it either..
“ We’re still your friends but we after what we saw and heard from other people, we can’t trust you any more either.” Junno said.
“ And if Koki’s smart, neither will he.” Ueda said as him and Junno left as the tears Kame’s been trying so hard to hold back start falling. Turning his head to look up at the only person he has left, even though he’s afraid that he’s going to eventually harm him, he says..
“ Koki...I...didn’t mean it any of it..please..I..don’t..leave me..”
“ Shh...Kame. I’m here, I’m not going anywhere. I have and always will continue to trust you. Come on, I’ll take you home. We can get your car some other time, alright?” He says as he places a kiss on the top of Kame’s head. Kame nods and climbs out of Koki’s lap, after collecting their bags they walk out the door..where they are met with a dozen or so looks that quite clearly says..”what’s wrong with him?” Noticing this Kame just looks at the floor while Koki puts his arm around Kame as they head to Koki’s car.
Once inside Kame’s apartment Koki says...
“ Ignore them, Kame, since it won’t help whatever it is that’s happening to you.” Kame just smiles.
“ Um, Koki? Will you...?”
“ Yeah, I’ll stay over tonight.” he says with a smile as he makes them dinner, not trusting Kame to be anywhere near anything sharp.
“Thanks Koki..for everything. But maybe it is a good idea if you stayed away from me, I don’t know what I might try and do. I wouldn’t be able to handle it if something bad happened to you.” Kame says, not really wanting to push away the only person who isn’t afraid to be near him but he knows that if he doesn’t then..he’ll just wind up by hurting Koki.
“ I can’t leave you alone, Kame. Not when you need someone in your corner right now. I will take the risk and stay by your side. If I was so weak to let this scare me away then I’m no better than Ueda and the rest of them. Besides, I’m in love with you Kame and have been for a long time now. So, how can I leave you alone in this?” It was more of a statement than a question as they sit down to eat.
“ I...feel the same and its for that reason, that its best if you don’t be so close.” Kame confesses.
Its been two weeks since Koki has been staying at Kame’s place every few nights and every time he has on of his episodes, Koki pins him down until he tires out, puts him in bed and watches over him as he sleeps. Kame started to notice a change since Koki’s been around more, while his fits are still bad they aren’t as frequent but they did turn more and more violent. So every time Kame would have one Koki made sure to be between him and his intended target. One day it was so bad Kame had to be dragged from JE by security, Koki got there just in time to keep the guards from calling the cops. It was clear Kame was unhinged, so to speak, but for whatever reason he still refused to get help...much less tell Koki what’s going on with him.
Koki was sitting on the couch with Kame’s head resting on his thigh, watching tv...when all of a sudden Koki feels a sharp pain in his leg and shouts...Kame bit him.
“ ITTAII!! Kame! What the hell?”
“ You can’t have him...he belongs to us.” Kame says, his voice wasn’t his own, as he jumps on Koki trying to strangle him. Koki manages to roll them so he gains dominance and pins Kame to the floor and pretty soon Kame calms down and passes out. He lays Kame in his own bed and goes to sleep on the couch wondering what in the hell it is that his friend is keeping from him. He wakes up an hour later to see Kame standing next to him...
“ Koki I....this is why I said you shouldn’t stay next to me..” He’s cut off by Koki’s finger on his lips.
“ I told you I am not going anywhere, but just tell me Kame..what’s going on with you? You have been like this for months now and its getting worse...I love you, I want to help..so please, tell me what’s going on with you?” Koki pleads.
Koki’s tears were too much for Kame and he couldn’t hide it from him any more, it has become too painful for them both. Sitting next Koki Kame starts to explain...
“ I..I hear voices...all the time. When they take over is when I have those episodes of trying to harm those around me. I don’t know when it started or why, all I know is that they don’t want you around..I think they fear you. The voices know as well as I do that you’re the only that save me, since my outbursts have gotten worse they are putting more strength into trying force you away from me. When they first told me to go after you, I kept refusing and they kept getting worse..so I had to make a choice.”
“ Which was?” Koki asked, linking his fingers with Kame’s.
“ I had to choose between hurting you, the most important person in my life, and my sanity. So, I decided to forsake my sanity in the hopes of keeping you safe.” He says as he walks over to his window.
“ That explains your tone from earlier when you said that I couldn’t have you and that you belong to them..” Koki starts but Kame cuts across him.
“ You mean they spoke to you?”
“ Yeah and despite what these voices are trying to do...I refuse to go anywhere. Your fight is my fight, I will not let them have you...not any more.” He says gently as he leans in and lightly presses his lips to Kame’s.
Feeling that Kame hasn’t pushed him away, he presses slightly harder and licks Kame’s bottom lip. Kame gets the hint and parts his lips enough for Koki to slip his tongue in as his hand reaches around to play with the hair at the nape of Koki’s neck. Parting for air..Kame says..
“ That was the best kiss I ever had. But you know what, Koki, I have noticed a change since you have been around more.”
“Yeah what’s that?” Koki says as he wraps his arms around his loved one’s waist.
“ Well, my episodes aren’t as frequent and the longer you are around..the quieter they become.” Kame says.
“ That was best kiss I ever had too, Kame, and I’m glad.” Koki smiles as he leads Kame back to his bedroom and gently lays him down and presses him into the mattress.
Looking Koki straight in his eyes, he says...
“ Please, save me Koki.”
“ I will, baby, just don’t give up.” Koki says and kisses Kame some more.
Pairing: KoKame
Disclaimer: Owning people is called slavery, common though..historically
Rating: R-ish
Warning: Psycological, violent out bursts, schitzophrenia.
Summary: Kame hears things and will he allow a certain person to save him?
He’s not sure when the noise started or how. What he does know is that at first all he heard was white static and every time it happened he would start looking around whatever room he was in, trying to pin point the source of the sound, that is until he realized it was coming from inside his own head and that frightened him. Eventually, it grew louder, clearer, darker and it kept telling him to do...things..bad things to those he cares for. They would whisper their orders at first and when he refused they would start shouting and berating him but when he became too weak to fight them by himself...he began to give in to their demands and when he realized what he did..he didn’t know what else to say other than he was sorry. Pretty soon the whispers started by those around him..calling him crazy, insane and everyone he tried to turn to for help shoved him away, not because they didn’t want to take the time to understand but because they feared him. Eventually he learned to function despite the toll it took on his already fragile mental state.
“ Isn’t there anyone out there that could save me? That would have the courage to stay with me?” He thought to himself every night when he went to sleep.
As the months passed it got to the point where they started being more specific about who they wanted Kame to go after...first it was Maru, then Ueda, and the Junno. All three he could refuse without risking too much of what’s left of his sanity...until one morning ONE name was said..just one, and it was this person that caused Kame to make the decision that if he had to choose between harming the one person closest to him..that they knew could save him, or what was left of his own sanity...he would rather go insane than hurt Koki. Every time the order was given he refused and every time he was punished. It was safer this way he thought..better to suffer in silence than lose the person that he has always been in love with. As long as Koki and the others never found out he was safe until his behavior started to change when he was around them...
“ Hey, Maru?” Ueda said.
“ Yeah?”
“ What’s up with Kame? He’s just sitting in the corner with his hands over his ears and muttering something I can’t quite catch?” Ueda asked, concerned for his friend.
Walking over Maru tries to get Kazu’s attention and when he touches his shoulder...Kame lashes out and attempts to strangle Yuichi just as Koki walks into their change room.
“ KAME!! STOP!!” Koki, Ueda and Junno yell at the same time, but Kame can’t hear them over all the noise in his head. Hurriedly, Ueda and Koki rush over to rescue Maru..Ueda tried to grab Kame but he was pushed away and the look Kame gave him even made want to run as fast as possible from the room, Junno had already done so, Ueda starts backing up not wanting to be anywhere near his friend.
“ UEDA!!” Koki shouts. “ Help me! I’ll grab Kame while you get Maru!” he says over Kame’s shouting. Ueda nods and switched places with Koki and grabs Maru at the same time Koki grabs hold of Kame and pulls him off. When Koki makes the mistake of letting him go..he lunges for Ueda this time who bolted for the door in fear. Koki rushes to grab a hold of Kame who is still shouting and clawing to get to Maru.
“ What the hell is the matter with him?! He’s crazy!” Maru says backing up towards the door, while Koki tries desperately keep his hold on Kame.
“ I don’t know, but go. Get out of here! I get the feeling he won’t calm down until you do, I’ll watch him.” Koki says, panting.
“ Just leave him, Koki, he’s too dangerous.” Maru tries to reason.
“ I noticed that, thanks. I can’t just leave him and you know that. He’s always trusted me to take care of him and watch over him. I’ll be fine..now get out here!” Koki says, his tone making it clear he’s done discussing this.
Maru finally relents and bolts for the door just as Koki manages to wrestle Kame to the couch, where he straddles Kame and pins his arms above his head. Kame continues to struggle for the next hour and a half until he eventually tires out, noticing that Kame finally passed out from exhaustion...he moves around to sit on the couch with Kame curled up in his lap.
“ What’s the matter with you, Kame, you have been like this for a few months now?” He whispers into Kame’s hair, hugging him even closer. His phone vibrates, it was Ueda wanting to know if it was safe to come back...Koki said yes but to be quiet as Kame was asleep. A few minutes later T-UN walk through the door...
“ So the whispered rumors are true then?” Junno asked keeping his voice low.
“ Yes, apparently so.” Maru said.
“ Man, I can’t believe he went crazy.” Ueda commented causing Koki to glare at him before saying...
“ He’s not crazy, I don’t know what’s wrong with him but I do know that he’s not nuts and that the person we saw wasn’t Kame.” Koki said protectively as he pulled Kame even closer.
“ Come on Koki..you saw the same look in his eyes that I did, he’s not right in the head.” Ueda tried to reason but only succeeding in pissing Koki off even more.
“ UEDA!! How can you say such a thing? You know how he feels about Kame” Junno said.
“ I don’t care..its true though.” he answered back as Koki glares daggers at Ueda.
“ I thought you were his friends?” Koki asks, mainly talking to Junno and Ueda.
“ We are, Koki, we care about him too..” Junno started but was cut off by Maru who went to sit on the arm of the couch by Kame’s feet.
“ Then why did you run away as soon as he attacked me, Junno? You, Ueda, you ran as soon as Koki had a firm grip on him.” Maru countered.
“ You can’t talk Yuichi, you ran just as well.” Ueda said flaring up.
“ Yeah, because I told him to. I wouldn’t have gotten Kame to calm down had he stayed in the room.” Koki said as Kame started to stir...
“ Wha...what happened?” he asked, not so much as wanting to know why he was being cuddled by Koki..but how he got from the corner to where he was at now.
“ You don’t remember?” Junno asked.
Kame shook his head and for whatever reason clutched tighter to Koki, while Ueda made a skeptical noise in his throat.
“ Well, two hours ago you were in the corner, with your hands over ears and muttering to yourself. When I went over to check on you..you attacked me.” Maru said with just a hint of anger. “ That’s when Koki walked in and between him and Ueda, they managed to separate you from me.” He finishes, sitting down in a chair next to the couch.
“ When they left, I managed to wrestle you to the couch and had to hold you there for the better part of an hour until you finally tired yourself out.” Koki finished as Kame’s memory catches up with him and he starts fighting to get as far away from Koki as possible, but the older man refused to let go. Realizing it was useless he just nestled into further into Koki’s embrace, only turning his head to speak.
“ I...I’m sorry guys. I didn’t mean any of it, Maru, you know I would never..” he says as tears start forming in the corners of his eyes.
“ Actually, I don’t know Kame. You’re behavior has changed, everyone has either seen it or has experienced it. Even though we’re friends..I can’t trust you, I am sorry but I just can’t.” He gets up and leaves.
“ Ju..Junno? Ueda? I...” Kame tries to apologize but like Maru they won’t hear it either..
“ We’re still your friends but we after what we saw and heard from other people, we can’t trust you any more either.” Junno said.
“ And if Koki’s smart, neither will he.” Ueda said as him and Junno left as the tears Kame’s been trying so hard to hold back start falling. Turning his head to look up at the only person he has left, even though he’s afraid that he’s going to eventually harm him, he says..
“ Koki...I...didn’t mean it any of it..please..I..don’t..leave me..”
“ Shh...Kame. I’m here, I’m not going anywhere. I have and always will continue to trust you. Come on, I’ll take you home. We can get your car some other time, alright?” He says as he places a kiss on the top of Kame’s head. Kame nods and climbs out of Koki’s lap, after collecting their bags they walk out the door..where they are met with a dozen or so looks that quite clearly says..”what’s wrong with him?” Noticing this Kame just looks at the floor while Koki puts his arm around Kame as they head to Koki’s car.
Once inside Kame’s apartment Koki says...
“ Ignore them, Kame, since it won’t help whatever it is that’s happening to you.” Kame just smiles.
“ Um, Koki? Will you...?”
“ Yeah, I’ll stay over tonight.” he says with a smile as he makes them dinner, not trusting Kame to be anywhere near anything sharp.
“Thanks Koki..for everything. But maybe it is a good idea if you stayed away from me, I don’t know what I might try and do. I wouldn’t be able to handle it if something bad happened to you.” Kame says, not really wanting to push away the only person who isn’t afraid to be near him but he knows that if he doesn’t then..he’ll just wind up by hurting Koki.
“ I can’t leave you alone, Kame. Not when you need someone in your corner right now. I will take the risk and stay by your side. If I was so weak to let this scare me away then I’m no better than Ueda and the rest of them. Besides, I’m in love with you Kame and have been for a long time now. So, how can I leave you alone in this?” It was more of a statement than a question as they sit down to eat.
“ I...feel the same and its for that reason, that its best if you don’t be so close.” Kame confesses.
Its been two weeks since Koki has been staying at Kame’s place every few nights and every time he has on of his episodes, Koki pins him down until he tires out, puts him in bed and watches over him as he sleeps. Kame started to notice a change since Koki’s been around more, while his fits are still bad they aren’t as frequent but they did turn more and more violent. So every time Kame would have one Koki made sure to be between him and his intended target. One day it was so bad Kame had to be dragged from JE by security, Koki got there just in time to keep the guards from calling the cops. It was clear Kame was unhinged, so to speak, but for whatever reason he still refused to get help...much less tell Koki what’s going on with him.
Koki was sitting on the couch with Kame’s head resting on his thigh, watching tv...when all of a sudden Koki feels a sharp pain in his leg and shouts...Kame bit him.
“ ITTAII!! Kame! What the hell?”
“ You can’t have him...he belongs to us.” Kame says, his voice wasn’t his own, as he jumps on Koki trying to strangle him. Koki manages to roll them so he gains dominance and pins Kame to the floor and pretty soon Kame calms down and passes out. He lays Kame in his own bed and goes to sleep on the couch wondering what in the hell it is that his friend is keeping from him. He wakes up an hour later to see Kame standing next to him...
“ Koki I....this is why I said you shouldn’t stay next to me..” He’s cut off by Koki’s finger on his lips.
“ I told you I am not going anywhere, but just tell me Kame..what’s going on with you? You have been like this for months now and its getting worse...I love you, I want to help..so please, tell me what’s going on with you?” Koki pleads.
Koki’s tears were too much for Kame and he couldn’t hide it from him any more, it has become too painful for them both. Sitting next Koki Kame starts to explain...
“ I..I hear voices...all the time. When they take over is when I have those episodes of trying to harm those around me. I don’t know when it started or why, all I know is that they don’t want you around..I think they fear you. The voices know as well as I do that you’re the only that save me, since my outbursts have gotten worse they are putting more strength into trying force you away from me. When they first told me to go after you, I kept refusing and they kept getting worse..so I had to make a choice.”
“ Which was?” Koki asked, linking his fingers with Kame’s.
“ I had to choose between hurting you, the most important person in my life, and my sanity. So, I decided to forsake my sanity in the hopes of keeping you safe.” He says as he walks over to his window.
“ That explains your tone from earlier when you said that I couldn’t have you and that you belong to them..” Koki starts but Kame cuts across him.
“ You mean they spoke to you?”
“ Yeah and despite what these voices are trying to do...I refuse to go anywhere. Your fight is my fight, I will not let them have you...not any more.” He says gently as he leans in and lightly presses his lips to Kame’s.
Feeling that Kame hasn’t pushed him away, he presses slightly harder and licks Kame’s bottom lip. Kame gets the hint and parts his lips enough for Koki to slip his tongue in as his hand reaches around to play with the hair at the nape of Koki’s neck. Parting for air..Kame says..
“ That was the best kiss I ever had. But you know what, Koki, I have noticed a change since you have been around more.”
“Yeah what’s that?” Koki says as he wraps his arms around his loved one’s waist.
“ Well, my episodes aren’t as frequent and the longer you are around..the quieter they become.” Kame says.
“ That was best kiss I ever had too, Kame, and I’m glad.” Koki smiles as he leads Kame back to his bedroom and gently lays him down and presses him into the mattress.
Looking Koki straight in his eyes, he says...
“ Please, save me Koki.”
“ I will, baby, just don’t give up.” Koki says and kisses Kame some more.
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